Is Your Tail Danger-Proofed?

There was a time in life when the greatest hazards to my safety were the decisions I made. 

Those decisions frequently involved climbing and tumbling from fences or trees. Luckily, my nose broke the fall on asphalt, wood or any variety of hard surface. 

Other times my decisions included hanging out with my brother Tim.  Although I didn’t plan to sail through the air after he and his friend swung me by my arms and legs – and let go – I did choose to play ‘helicopter’ with them. This time my collar bone broke the fall onto pavement. My next memory is an ER doctor taping my snapped collar bone, to keep all the pieces aligned. 

The industrial tape that started on my chest and ran down my back was incredibly sticky. After the healing was complete, one big yank was out of the question. My resourceful mother paid me a stipend to rip up and trim off a small square of that tape every night.

Perhaps Mom didn’t impart wise lessons, teaching me that I can earn money from pain. (Do a browser search – you’ll find a sizable industry based on leather and whips!) 

 Mom was kind to offer a reward system for my bravery. Too bad she couldn’t predict the price tag from cavities created by all the candy I could afford. Yes, there are hazards to kindness and sugar.  

Now I’m an adult and make conscious decisions to refrain from  dangerous activities. Sadly, my sense of physical safety is a facade. Just when I  started looking into buying a drone to capture travel shots, my friend phoned with a dire warning: “What if you crash it into someone’s house or it hits a car? And what if you fly it too close to an airport? You can get fined!” 

But I love uber-gizmos. Gotta get me some new friends, ones who’d rather go bungee jumping than mall strolling. 

Lawsuits and fines aside, I recently discovered the danger of simply going for a walk on a rainy afternoon.  

I was half a block from home when a sports car at a red light noisily smoked its tires, both brake and gas pedal stomped. When the light turned green, the car raced around the corner. But the  driver didn’t make a clean turn, too busy fishtailing and losing control  while heading directly for me.  

I froze.

How could I escape? A high shrub surrounded me and the car was about to use me for target practice. Did the memory of loved ones flash through my mind in those final seconds? No. Instead, I thought, “How pathetic – I’m gonna die standing on a sidewalk, not jumping out of a plane or white water rafting!” 

The swerving car righted itself only feet before hitting me. At least the driver was having fun, based on the flash of him wide-eyed and grinning.

After that near miss, I’m even more nervous.Testimony is this year’s Halloween costume. I’m dressing as a sexy cat, complete with pointy ears and a long tail. But thanks to the many reminders of life’s  inherent dangers, I’ll protect myself with knee, elbow and shoulder pads, along with non-slip sensible shoes. I’ll wear my nighttime mouthguard – the costume judging could get rowdy.

And since people have grown litigious, I’ll add padding to my tail and ears so I don’t injure anyone in my vicinity. 

Note to self: no more bobbing for apples. I might lose an eye or choke on a Golden Delicious.  

Boo . . . I’m whispering, in case I scare anyone and bring on heart palpitations. You can’t be too careful. Happy Halloween!

8 Replies to “Is Your Tail Danger-Proofed?”

  1. Sorry to tell you that the stories of your checkered childhood made me laugh – mostly because I remember them happening to you, poor girl. You DO make a cute kitten – be careful out there! xo

    1. Might as well get something out of a checkered childhood, even if it’s at my own expense! There goes my spin the bottle game – someone might chip a tooth 😉 Thanks for having a read!

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