More Life Coming Up, After the Break(down)

A young girl with Tourette Syndrome
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Shannon Kernaghan
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when the bullet hits my bone.
After download is complete,
bundle my flesh on a funeral pyre
surrounded by every piece of obsolete hardware
that carries my fingerprints, my DNA,
and witness my glorious combustion.

Shannon Kernaghan Luggage-Matters-400 Home
Luggage Matters

While touring Italy with my sister and a busload of keen tourists one spring, I noticed how small problems have the potential to hamper a trip. Take colds and flus. The moment I heard the first sneeze or

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Milk-Bone in Your Pocket

Since I welcome any opportunity to tease my partner, Valentine’s Day provides yet another opportunity. I’ll be gentle. I’ve been with the guy for half my life, which translates into a heaping helping of dog years. For that, he

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I Need a Dentist, Not a Survey

I never forward chain letters or dire warnings that turn out to be hoaxes.   But when a friend from Ottawa sent me a “Four things about me” email, my interest was piqued. She likes to watch TV

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Hormones & Horoscopes Don’t Control Me

I enjoy the wisdom that fortune cookies hold. You can’t drag me away from my restaurant chair until I’ve read mine and everyone else’s. No fortune should go undigested, even if all are computer generated and duplicated into the millions. Sometimes the

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I’m Sorry, I’m Canadian

Canadians must be a sorry lot because they’re always saying they’re sorry. When I bumped into a woman at the grocery store, she was the first to apologize even though it was my fault. No contest,

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Your Resting Bitch Face Scares Me!

Can’t we all just get along? No. At least not at work. An online poll of 2,000 adults revealed that 22% despise their colleagues. That’s strong language! Cranky people obviously responded to the poll. Those who enjoy arranging staff birthday parties and NONE OF

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A Wooden Leg Does Not a Pirate Make

In 1978 President Jimmy Carter proclaimed the first Sunday in September after Labor Day as National Grandparents’ Day. The idea originated from a woman in West Virginia whose motivation was to persuade grandchildren to listen and

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Hollywood, Here I DON’T Come!

I know why I’m not a Hollywood celebrity – I don’t have “star drive,” that necessary trait for a person to succeed on the stage or screen. I also lack another key factor: talent. Sure, I’ve

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Confessions of a List-oholic

I envy my husband. He lives a list-free existence. Paul never makes a to-do list and has no plans to start. Me? He calls me a “list junky.” For appointments and meetings, that info goes straight

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Dad Wins ‘Best in Show’

It’s that time again, the third Sunday in June when we tip our ball caps to the good fathers in our lives. I treat this day with plenty of respect, which is easy to do because I

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I’m Not a Patient Patient

I admire my current doctor and her no-nonsense approach to my body when I haul it into her clinic for my annual check. Her quiet inspection is appreciated because any gasps, giggles or “hmms” would make

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Shannon Kernaghan valentines-oh-poo Home
This Valentine’s Day, Oh Poo!

If you trace the origins of Valentine’s Day, you won’t find a pretty picture. One legend claims that a Roman priest named Valentine was executed on February 14, 269 AD, for marrying couples against the advice

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Good Intentions, Bad Gifts

What’s the worst gift you ever received? Is it hard for everyone to open a bad Christmas gift and pretend to be excited? I’ll never win an Oscar for acting because the moment I unwrap a

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