More Life Coming Up, After the Break(down)

 Lineup subject to change
when the bullet hits my bone.
After download is complete,
bundle my flesh on a funeral pyre
surrounded by every piece of obsolete hardware
that carries my fingerprints, my DNA,
and witness my glorious combustion.

Shannon Kernaghan Clutter-400 Home
Stop Cluttering My Mind

  There’s a lot of chatter about clutter. The subject is explored on talk shows and dissected in “how-to avoid it” articles. When I spent the day helping a friend unpack at her new home, she told me she needs to

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Bear Facts on Bikinis

  Some believe that life imitates art. For me, life imitates news. I read a piece on the myriad of distractions that drivers face on today’s roads. Any number of activities, both inside the vehicle and out,

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Don’t Sniff It on Father’s Day

  My father’s primary loves were his family, his pets and his television store, in varying order. No doubt that love toggled, depending on which source offered the most pleasure, the least annoyance. Although I was

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Push-Up Bra under a Spruce Goose

Missions. We all have them. Some of us are driven to distraction by them. Howard Hughes is a perfect example of a man with missions. When you inherit your father’s tool company and become a millionaire at age

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Hula Girl Chucks Her Chastity

  I’m in the mood for another stagette. At my last, the highlight prop of the eve was a metal chastity belt for the betrothed. This locking chain device was straight from a tickle trunk of the Spanish Inquisition. The belt

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Beware the Grammar Slammer

  Here’s a frightening thought – grammar is a window into your soul. It’s not what you say as much as how you say it. And it’s not only what you utter, but what you type into your computer. Yikes!

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My Beer is Child-Lite

I don’t want children. My decision is not for physical or political reasons, or because I had a rotten childhood. It’s simply a personal decision. I refer to myself as child-free. If I call myself child-less,

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Mother’s Day Guns & Ammo

With Mother’s Day this Sunday, all of you children – and you know who you are – should honor your mothers. If you don’t want to praise her with fancy dinners or gifts of perfume and

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Caved In

  “He’s not waking, should we get him to Emerg?” a nurse asked. “No, he hasn’t seized,” said another. “Give him a minute.” Emerg? Seized? I tasted my morning coffee, now bitter. He suddenly opened his

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Real Dogs

I like to attend an occasional Kennel Club show, not because I prefer purebreds but because I marvel at how people fuss over their canines. At a previous show, Paul and I spoke with a woman

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Hear Me Flush

There are days when I crave a simple life, one that features a scenic stroll or laughing with my favorite people over wine and food. Since I’m not a paragliding, jet skiing, bungee jumping thrill seeker,

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Octopus Boy Rocks

  The announcer referred to the winner as an American hero. “The game is immaculate,” he said. “It’s the game of the people, and it’s the only game people are equipped to play from birth.” The

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Feng Shui, Meet My Dragon

Feng shui = wind + water. Feng shui = the Chinese art or practice of positioning objects, especially buildings and furniture, based on a belief in patterns of yin and yang and the flow of chi that

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Hardening of the Articles

The English language gets pretty much taken for granted until I hear the word “sativate” used twice within thirty seconds. “When he walked through the chocolate factory he sativated. The smell of all that chocolate had

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Great Escape, Skimpy Dress Code 

A few years ago I read how a chimpanzee named Judy escaped from her cage at the Little Rock Zoo in Arkansas. She had her chance when a keeper left the door of her sleeping quarters open. Judy’s flight to freedom wasn’t

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Good Vibrations

After the shopping is finished, Paul steers our car in the direction of home. My stomach grumbles. Hungry?” Paul asks. “Where do you want to eat? “I don’t care, you?” This is the ping pong we

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